Have I Lost Him
by Layana Hamoura
Summary: Yuki has gone on tour. Shuichi promised him that he would stay in Japan, but circumstances change that. As their relationship gets a little rocky, will true love be able to prevail?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Out of breath, a certain pink-headed, purple-eyed singer plops down on the couch of his apartment. He reaches for the remote and turns on the TV.

"Famous writer Eiri Yuki starts his first Canadian tour today in Quebec at the country's largest Barnes and Nobles. He is promoting his new sellout book "Shine." The very day that it came out on the shelves, bookstores ran out in the first thirty minutes causing the publishing company to print over 100 million more in less than twenty-four hours.

Shuichi sighed. Yuki had only been gone for three days but the thought of him being gone for more than a month was depressing itself. He watched the clip of Yuki's book-signing, catching a grimacing look that cast over Yuki's face when he realized he had ran out of cigarettes. Shuichi walked over to his shoes by the door and grabbed his key to the apartment. The last thing Canada needed was a grumpy Yuki. He locked the door behind him and started walking down the street towards the store. He took his time seeing as he had nothing better to do.

He entered the local convenience store and headed straight for the counter.

"What can I do for you, Mr. Shindou?" the store owner asked. Shuichi smiled.

"Yuki ran out of cigarettes in Canada. You know they don't usually get products from Japan so I'm going to send him a couple packs. You have any in?" he asked. The owner nodded and handed Shuichi a box already taped and labeled.

"I saw the news Shuichi. I think all of Japan saw the grimace on Mr. Eiri's face." He said and laughed. "I left the address blank for you."

"Thank you!" Shuichi said as he paid and walked towards the post office. He pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket. Yuki had written down all the hotels that he was going to be staying at on his tour. He copied the address for his current hotel and paid the overnight shipping fee.

Walking home was more quiet and nerve-racking than his walk to the store. He finally reached the apartment and placed his key in the lock. When he opened the door, he started to yell out his usual greeting, but stopped himself when he remembered that Yuki wasn't home. He plopped down on the couch again. He never slept in the bedroom when Yuki wasn't home. It just didn't feel right. The night passed slowly. Shuichi stayed awake, unable to sleep or rest. This was going to be a long month.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The phone rang annoyingly until Yuki reached over to answer it.

"Hello?" he asked gruffly.

"Good morning, Mr. Eiri! This is your wake up call." A cheerful voice answered.

"Thank you." He started to hang up.

"Mr. Eiri?" the voice called.

"Yes?""You have a package from a Shuichi Shindou. Shall I send it up?"

"Yes, thank you." Yuki hung up. What in the world would that brat be sending me? He got up and prepared for another day of endless signing. He was buttoning his shirt when there was a knock on the door. He walked over, opened it, and found a hotel worker holding a box.

"This is for you, Mr. Eiri." He said. Eiri nodded, took the box, and tipped him. He closed the door and pulled out a pocket knife. He set down the box and took the letter off that was attached. He slit the sides of the box and opened it. There, inside, were several cartons of his favorite brand of Japanese cigarettes. He opened the letter and started to read Shuichi's chicken scratch.

Hey Yuki,

I think everyone in Japan saw your reaction on TV yesterday, so I went down to the store and bought you some cigarettes. Call me if you need anything else.

Love,

Shuichi

The brat actually did something useful for once. He picked up a carton of cigarettes and found a box of lighter fluid. Yuki smirked. This was too smart for Shuichi. He walked over to the phone and dialed his apartment number.

"Hello, you've reached the Eiri and Shindou residence. Yuki's probably stuck in his office typing and I'm probably at the studio. Leave a message and I'll probably be the one getting back to you. I'm not making any promises though." Yuki hung up before the beep sounded. He had already gone to work. Yuki finished getting ready while making a mental note to call back later. The little twerp was probably wrecking his apartment. Someone had to check up on him. He sighed and walked out the door, headed for another tiring day.

Shuichi leaned against the back of the elevator and watched the numbers rise as he rode upward to the studio. Yuki hadn't called him, but he was pretty sure the package got there this morning. The doors opened and Shuichi slowly walked towards the studio. He was almost pummeled into the ground when Fujisaki and Hiro ran out fighting.

"You've had a guitar solo in every song! Give me a chance, will ya?" Fujisaki yelled as he swung at Hiro.

"No! I work hard for those solos!" he said as he swung back. Shuichi walked in between both of them and pushed them to the ground. He went inside the studio and closed the door behind him. Fujisaki and Hiro started at the closed door.

"What's with him?" Fujisaki asked. He got up off the ground and gave Hiro a hand.

"No clue." He said as Fujisaki pulled him up. They went inside and saw Shuichi playing on the keyboard. He had dragged in beside the synthesizer and was testing something. Fujisaki stormed over.

"Hey! You're supposed to focus on the singing, remember? That's why I was hired." He said and pulled the keyboard back to its original position.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know when you two babies would be done fighting. Did you ever take the time to think of the fact that you two could be the first to do a guitar-keyboard duet in our genre of music? Work together and stop whining!" Shuichi said and walked over to his notepad.

"I wrote a new song. You can work with it." He said and threw the pad at Fujisaki. He nodded and looked at Hiro.

"Shall we?" Hiro nodded and picked up the guitar. They started working. They went through a lot of different intros before Shuichi picked one that he could work with. Soon they were going through their sixth practice of the new song when Sakano and K walked in.

"Good Morning!" K said as he twirled a Magnum on his finger. Shuichi sighed.

"I'd appreciate it if you stopped doing that. I'd like it if my vocal chords weren't shot out, thank you." He said and motioned for Hiro and Fujisaki to start again. K pulled the plugs on Hiro's amp and Fujisaki's keyboard.

"I have an announcement to make!" He said. The three members of Bad Luck looked at him with the most boring look you've ever seen.

"We are going to Canada!" he said. Shuichi sighed.

"No." K cocked his gun.

"Yes."

"I said no. I am not going to Canada." Shuichi said and knocked the gun away from his head. He walked out of the room. K scratched his head.

"What's his problem?" he asked. Hiro and Fujisaki shrugged. Hiro placed his guitar down on its stand and walked out after Shuichi. He found him at the drink machine.

"What's up, Shu? You seem different. Have another fight with Yuki?" Hiro asked. Shuichi shook his head and punched a couple of buttons. His drink came out and he sat down on a bench beside the machine.

"No. Yuki isn't even in Japan. He's on tour." Shuichi said and opened his drink.

"Ah, so it's a case of missing Yuki. Where is he? China? America?" Hiro asked and sat down beside him. Shuichi shook his head.

"He's in Canada." Shuichi replied before he downed his drink. Hiro cocked an eyebrow in confusion.

"Then why don't you want to go to Canada?" he asked. Shuichi sighed.

"I promised him I would stay here. I wanted to go with him, but he wanted me to stay here, so I promised him that I would stay in Japan." He said. He got up and threw his can away.

"So? K is making up go. Isn't that different than following him?" Hiro asked. Shuichi started to walk back to the studio. Hiro followed.

"I guess so, but I still want to keep my word. I don't want to make Yuki angry." He said as they entered the studio. K was walking back and forth going on about the Canadian tour.

"It's just what we need. We have extremely high ratings in Canada and if you release a new song there, the ratings will go up!" Shuichi sat down.

"I thought I said I wasn't going to Canada." He said, glaring at K. K stopped pacing and turned to Shuichi.

"Everything is already prepared. All the stages, hotel rooms and transportation are reserved. We can't turn back now." He said.

"When was this decided?" Shuichi asked. K scratched his head.

"Two weeks ago I think." He said. Shuichi stood up, turning over his chair in anger.

"Two weeks ago! How could you decide something as important as a tour without asking me first?" He said and walked out. He headed for the elevator and steamed as he waited for the doors to open.

"Shuichi-san! Why don't you want to go on tour? I thought you always wanted to tour in a foreign country." K called after him. Shuichi walked into the elevator and stared at K as the doors closed.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Yuki turned on the TV in his hotel room. As the glare subsided from his glasses, he was greeted with a blown-up picture of Shuichi.

"The famous Japanese band Bad Luck will be gracing the stages of several Canadian cities this month."

Yuki turned off the TV after watching the clip of Shuichi and the band waving goodbye to Japan and boarding the plane. He saw the guilt in Shuichi's face. He deserves to feel guilty. He promised that he would stay in Japan. The phone rang.

"Hello?" Yuki answered.

"Yuki?" It was Shuichi. His voice was timid.

"Yes."

"You've probably seen the news by now."

"I have."

"Then you know I'm on my way to Canada."

"Yes."

"I'm sorry, Yuki! I promise you, I knew nothing about it!"

"I should care about this why?" Shuichi paused a moment.

"I thought you would be angry since I promised to stay in Japan."

"I don't care what you do. I thought you would have realized that by now." Shuichi didn't answer. Yuki heard a female voice in the background.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, we will be landing in fifteen minutes. Please turn off all electronics and end all phone calls for your own safety. Thank you."

"I have to go Yuki. Please don't be mad at me." Yuki hung up and stared at the phone for a minute. Mad? Why would he be mad? He doesn't care about what the little brat does. A part of him denied it and made him feel guilty for a second. He promised me that he would stay in Japan. Part of him was angry that he broke his promise and another part was a little forgiving seeing as he knew what kind of a manager Shuichi had. Yuki turned out the lights in his room and went to bed.

Shuichi got off the plane and quickly headed for their taxi. Fans and news reporters were everywhere. He got in followed by Fujisaki and Hiro. K got in front with the driver. They drove to the hotel in quiet and checked into the lobby. Shuichi retrieved his room key and went to the elevator. He had requested a room on a completely different floor from everyone else. He leaned against the elevator wall and watched the number rise, feeling a bit of déjà vu. He got off and walked down the quiet hall to his room. He sat on the bed and looked around. It was quiet and he felt a bit lonely. Just like home. He picked up the phone and dialed the number for Yuki's room.

"Hello?" answered a groggy Yuki.

"I'm sorry Yuki. Did I wake you up?" Shuichi asked.

"Yes you woke me up!" Yuki yelled.

"I'm sorry." Shuichi replied timidly.

"Don't you have to perform in the morning? Why are you calling me in the middle of the night?" Yuki asked.

"I just wanted to talk to you."

"Can't you talk with Hiro?"

"I'm not in the same room as Hiro and Fujisaki. I requested one of my own. I'm on the sixth floor. They're on the fourth."

"Why in the world would you do something like that? Someone's got to make sure you don't do anything stupid." Yuki was getting irritated.

"It reminds me of home." Yuki was silent.

"Home?"

"Yeah. There was no one at home when I left and there's no one in the room with me so it feels like I'm at home." Yuki hit the wall in frustration. A painting in Shuichi's room moved.

"Are you trying to put me in a guilt trip or something? I told you I was going away for a month three weeks before I left. You could have went over to Hiro's or your parents. You didn't have to stay at the apartment."

"Yuki?"

"What?"

"Did you just hit the wall?"

"Yes, why?" Shuichi didn't answer.

"Why, Shuichi?" Again, there was no answer. Someone knocked on Yuki's door. Yuki put down the phone and opened the door. Shuichi was standing there.

"Because I think you're next door to me." Shuichi said. The cigarette in Yuki's mouth almost dropped to the floor. He slammed the door in Shuichi's face. Shuichi didn't knock again. He went back to his room. He knew it. Yuki was mad at him. He got into his bed and quietly cried himself to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

In the morning, Shuichi was woken by someone banging on his door. He got up and opened it to be knocked aside by K, Hiro, and Fujisaki.

"Good morning, Shuichi. It's time to rise and shine for the Canadian world." K said as he twirled his gun. Shuichi scowled a little bit.

"Why do you have to be so loud, and what did I tell you about twirling that gun in my face?" Shuichi said grumpily. His voice had dropped about three octaves.

"Why so glum, Shu-chan? Missing Yuki already?" Hiro asked as he rubbed Shuichi's hair. Shuichi hit him in the chest and walked over to the bed.

"No, I don't miss Yuki. I'm tired, okay. I didn't get the best of sleep last night." Shuichi said as he unpacked some clothes.

"Now, now, Shuichi. Maybe you'll run into Eiri-san her in Canada. It may be bigger than Japan, but some of our stops are the same as his." Hiro said as he wrapped his arm over Shuichi's shoulder. Shuichi shrugged him off and walked into the bathroom. He came back out and repacked his bag. He wrote a note on the memo pad that lay beside the bed and folded it. As they walked past Yuki's room, Shuichi pushed the note under the door. He paused a moment, but then turned and followed the others.

Yuki was disturbed by the cheerful voice of Shuichi's American manager, K. He heard a voice that he recognized as Shuichi after he's cried himself to sleep. That didn't make him feel any better. Then when Shuichi said that he didn't miss him, Yuki felt even worse. But why should he miss him? He saw him last night. He noticed that Shuichi didn't tell them of their meeting. He was lying in bed thinking about it when Shuichi slid the note under his door. He waited to make sure that Shuichi wasn't there anymore before he got up to get it. He unfolded the wrinkled sheet and read:

Yuki,

I'm sorry about last night. The last thing you need is me bothering you on your tour. I'll see you back in Japan.

Shuichi

He didn't say I love you. He didn't say I'll see you when I get home. He just said I'll see you in Japan. It's almost as if he's saying that he moved out. No. Shuichi isn't that kind of a person. Yuki kept pondering these thoughts until he left for another book-signing. Even throughout the day, Yuki was bothered by Shuichi's words.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Bad Luck's tour in Canada was a huge success. K and Sakano leapt for joy when they saw the increase in sales and ratings. They celebrated back in Japan at their favorite restaurant in Kyoto. They were having a lot of fun.

"And here's to Shuichi, who managed to pull himself together every time and perform with inexplicable talent." K said as he did his twentieth toast of the night. Several of them were getting quite drunk. Strangely enough, the one who kept his head on straight was Shuichi. He didn't drink that night and was more than happy to keep his friends from getting killed by taking them each home.

After making sure that everyone was safe and sound in their homes, Shuichi caught a cab downtown to an unfamiliar apartment building. He pulled out a key and went inside.

"Todaima!" he called out to no one. He walked inside and looked around at his apartment. It looked a lot like Yuki's except for the way the furniture was arranged. He went and sat down on the couch. His cell phone vibrated in his pocket. He pulled it out. Yuki was calling him.

"Hello?"

"Where are you? I know your plane landed six hours ago."

"We went out to celebrate."

"For six hours?"

"They got drunk. I had to take them home. K doesn't happen to live in the city, you know."

"He couldn't live that far away."

"It was a ninety minute drive, to and from."

"Where are you now?"

"At home." Yuki was silent. At home?

"You're at your parents' house?"

"No." No? If he wasn't at his parents' house, where was he?

"What are you talking about, Shuichi?"

"I moved out. Haven't you noticed? Didn't you think that things were a bit clean when you got home?"

"When?"

"The day before we went on tour your sister came by and saw me packing my things. I was originally going back to my parents' house until I found an apartment, but she was kind enough to help me look for one. She even helped furnish it. I must say, she has good taste. I think she went back to your apartment and cleaned it for me too."

"Why?""Lost for words, Yuki? You haven't used more than eight words in a sentence. That's not like you. You could at least at the usual 'brat' or 'twerp' at the end. You should know why Yuki. When you treat people the way you do, you lose them eventually. Even I can't take that much abuse." They were both silent for a while.

"Listen Yuki, I've got to go to work in the morning. I'll see you around." Shuichi said and hung up. It hurt to tell him that way, but Yuki left him no choice. He wasn't going to be treated like a rag doll. Shuichi got off the couch and got ready for bed. He turned over on his side with the determination that he would never cry for Eiri Yuki again.

Yuki stared at the phone for a little while after Shuichi hung up. He was gone. Just like that. No notice. No anything. He was just gone. Yuki dialed his sister.

"Hello?"

"Mika."

"Yuki! Ugh! It's three a.m. in the morning. Is your clock not working or something?"

"Where is it?"

"Where is what?" Mika paused. "You mean Shuichi's apartment, don't you?" You could hear Tohma in the background. "What are you two talking about at three o'clock in the morning?" "Be quiet and go to bed. You'll find out tomorrow."

"Hello, Yuki?"

"Yes."

"I'm not telling you."

"Why not?"

"Because Shindou-kun told me not to." You can hear Tohma again. "Are they having problems again?" "Yes, now go to bed or I'll knock you unconscious."

"You'll have to find him and talk to him yourself, Yuki. Goodnight." Mika hung up.

Yuki stayed on the couch that night, knowing that was where Shuichi was last.

Mika turned over in her bed. Tohma sighed.

"What now?" He asked.

"Shuichi moved out." She said and leaned her head on his shoulder.

"Why?"

"He was tired of Yuki treating him like crap so he moved into an apartment on the other side of town." Tohma laughed.

"He finally had enough of Yuki Eiri, huh?"

"No."

"What do you mean no?"

"He's teaching Yuki a lesson."

"What?"

"Yeah. He's teaching him a lesson, all right. Watch and see how long it takes for Yuki to crack."

"All right."

"I'll make you a bet."

"How much."

"I bet that Yuki goes crawling to Shuichi by the end of the day tomorrow. If I win, we go to the Bahamas for two weeks."

"Okay, but I say the end of the week, and if I win, we go to Venice."

"Fine with me."

"Deal?"

"Deal."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

In the morning, Shuichi felt better than ever. He was finally free of Yuki's abuse and it felt so good. He went back to the studios that morning a different person and everyone could tell.

"Good morning!" Shuichi chirped.

"Good morning, Shuichi." Everyone said groggily. Shuichi frowned.

"Don't tell me you guys still have a hangover. I thought you could hold your liquor better than that. You guys kept feeding me that stuff and I'm fine." Shuichi lied. He was going to have some fun today.

"How can this be? I the strong American have been out-drunk by a Japanese teenager." K said. He placed his gun on the table and moaned. Shuichi laughed inside.

"Let's get to work, shall we?" He said as he started the computer up. Tohma came inside a little drowsy.

"Good morning, everyone." He said. They either nodded, moaned, or waved. Shuichi, however, happily replied.

"Good morning, Seguchi-san. You weren't out last night celebrating too, were you?" He asked.

"No, Shuichi. My wife's brother woke us up at three this morning."

"Yuki?" Tohma nodded.

"He woke me up too, but I hung up on him and went back to sleep. I was tired after getting these drunks home." He said and pointed to everyone else. Tohma smiled.

"I think everyone needs a break. Why don't you all go home today?" (A/N: See, if Shuichi isn't there for Yuki to find, then Tohma wins the bet. Bingo!) Everyone sat up at the idea, thanked Tohma, and started to leave, but blocking their way, leaning in the doorway, was Eiri Yuki. (A/N: Aw, it seems Tohma doesn't get to go to Venice. How sad. ….. Oh well, Bahamas baby! Woohoo!)

"Shuichi, I need to speak with you." He said. You could tell he hadn't slept. Shuichi nodded and lead him downstairs to a local coffee shop.

"What is it, Yuki?" Shuichi said as he took a sip from a decaff mocha latte.

"Is this what you really want, Shuichi?" Shuichi looked up at him.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Shuichi, don't play games with me!"

"Isn't that what life is though, a big game? And the one who wins, is the one who was most happy playing it, no?" This caught Yuki off guard seeing as Shuichi isn't the kind of person to be so profound and insightful.

"What are you getting at, Shuichi?" Shuichi finished his drink and waved down the waiter.

"When you treat me like crap, I'm not happy, Yuki. No one is ever truly happy when they are being treated like that. All I ever wanted from you was acknowledgment as a person, but I never got that. It's hard for a person to feel like something when you're telling them 'they have no talent' or you're calling them 'stupid', 'idiot', 'brat', or 'twerp'. Those things hurt, Yuki. You may not be able to see it physically, but inside I'm torn to pieces. Is that a good enough explanation for you, or do I have to go into detail?" Shuichi got up and walked out of the restaurant. He needed to clear his head.

Yuki sat at the table going over every word Shuichi just said. Sure he was a little harsh, but he didn't think he was ever that mead to the kid. Flashbacks filled his mind as he remembered every single time he belittled or insulted Shuichi. He could see the hurt and disappointment in his eyes. He had pushed him away. Slowly, but surely, he had pushed him away. He needed to talk to him. Yuki rushed out the coffee shop and looked everywhere, but he didn't see Shuichi. He turned down the street towards the park where they first met. He found him there sitting on the bench as if he was waiting for him.

"Hello, Yuki. I was wondering how long it would take you." He said and gestured for Yuki to sit down beside him.

"Shuichi, I'm…" He was interrupted.

"I don't want to hear it." Shuichi turned to look at him. "I never, ever want to hear you say 'I'm sorry'. You know why? Because only people who deserve to be forgiven should say I'm sorry." It was over. He had pushed him too far. Yuki started to get up, but Shuichi pulled him back down.

"I'm not finished. You don't deserve to be forgiven for you past Yuki. You deserve a second chance. I told you that when I met you. I'm giving you that second chance, Yuki. Will you take it?" Shuichi asked. They were quiet for a while. Shuichi leaned against Yuki's chest. Finally, Yuki smirked.

"When did you get so smart?" he asked. He looked down at Shuichi.

"I've always been this way, but I tend to act stupid when I'm around people I look up to."

"You looked up to me?"

"I still do Yuki. I'm not as smart as you anyway so it's okay for me to act smart because I'm still not like you. I can't write all that well and I certainly can't cook."

"You don't need to write well and cook to be smarter than me Shuichi. You just needed to prove that you had a little more common sense than me, and you did."

"Really?"

"Really. Now how about we go home?"

"I'd like that. I really would."

The End

(A/N: So, how'd you like it? This is my first Gravi fanfic and I dedicate it to Jessica Lloyd. How was it Yuki?")


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